Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
