What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
