Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
