I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
