We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
