Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
