bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
