I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
