so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I need to align my fucking chakras
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
