I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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