Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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