I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
