And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
