Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
