I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
