alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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