I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
