my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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