I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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