Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
