I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
