Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
