hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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