New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
