Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..