Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She told me I should be a condom model.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.