all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.