HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.