Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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