so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
