They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
