If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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