how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
