so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
