dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
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Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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