You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize