He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
