Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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