I think I can smell my own vagina right now
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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