Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
