he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
