I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
