For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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