Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
