you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
