I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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