it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
