Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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