There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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