I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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