Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
