Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
nutella sex= disaster
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
