I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
