I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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