Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
