I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
