I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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