If that was your dad, he is hot
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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