me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
