If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she pinky promised me she was 18
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
