She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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