you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
