it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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