my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
