i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
is wine microwaveable?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
