I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
