haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
