Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
