Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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