Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
