Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize