when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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