I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
