living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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