What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize