that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
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i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
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I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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