I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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