All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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