i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
