hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
