How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
