They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
