Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
